32 days to 50.
Yesterday after our 10 mile 8 hour hike to the Bridge to Nowhere and back I was exhausted. But it was Sunday night and I had chores to do. So I did my yoga, cleaned the house, made juices (green AND nut) did laundry, etc. etc. I woke up this morning with exhaustion in my lungs. I know I’m either on the verge of getting sick or already sick. I got up and did my yoga. I went to work. (It is as usual a super emergency- baton down the hatches- the sky is falling situation all day at work)
Then I went to the gym and did the majority of a spin class and a yoga class with my favorite instructor (even though he made us once again do 10 minutes of jumping jacks). (Which I had trouble doing since I am SO SORE from doing 10 miles yesterday.) (Which brings up another issue- why didn’t we just do 6 miles yesterday? Why do we always have to be rock stars?) I got home after 10 pm. I am just now wilting greens for a salad and writing this post.
When will I reach the stage in my life when I can just honor the fact that my body is beyond exhaustion and come home after work instead of pushing it to do a class at the gym? I had to drive right by my exit to get to the gym. They are remodeling the locker rooms so every other day we have to change in a public restroom at the other end of the complex and we don’t have access to showers. This was boy locker day. I knew that. Still, I pushed myself to go.
Ultimately it didn’t make much difference that I chose to put my body second tonight. Which part of me did I put first? My mind. That part of me that needs to keep going no matter what. The part of me that wants to be the best. To be perfect. To defy the odds.
I’d like to start to make kinder choices for myself. I’d like to notice when my body is telling me to take a break. I’d like to fire my mind in those situations. I think that’s part of learning to be an adult (it is never too late to start). Learning how to honor all of yourself. Not just the chattering mind. I intend to make different choices next time. My body is important. I will learn how to listen.