38 days to 50.
Yesterday was a thrilling day. I received the Vitamix blender I ordered last week. I have been anxiously waiting for this to arrive. I bought all kinds of exotic produce last weekend knowing that I could blend fabulous green smoothies all day every day when it arrived. I used to get excited about shipments of shoes or art supplies or outdoor gear for some fantastic adventure. Now I get excited about shipments of ridiculously overpriced kitchen equipment.
In anticipation of this big birthday I got on the scale some months ago and decided I need to drop this dreaded last 10 pounds so that on the big day at least I will be thin. Someone asked me recently if I think that losing weight will make me younger. Well, of course I don’t think that. Then why oh why when the issue of age comes up do I always think I can manage it – IF ONLY I am just a little thinner. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 or 20 pounds since I was seventeen. I really would have thought that I would have all my body image issues under control by now. When it comes to weight I am still definitely still a work in progress. This is a big topic for another post.
In order to drop this 10 pounds to gain control over the pending doom that is 50 I bought 2 separate juice cleanses through an online discounter. I love to eat so I knew that restricting myself to a juice cleanse would make me take this whole thing seriously. I had no idea how transformative the whole process would be. I started with a 5 day cleanse. I work out. Kind of a lot. So I did end up supplementing the first cleanse with lettuce and protein shakes but it forced me to be aware of how many times during the day I would reach for food. I work in an office with candy on every desk. People in this country inexplicably link sugary fatty foods with love and appreciation. So to catch myself reaching for a mini candy bar every single time I had an uncomfortable feeling was shocking and humbling.
I also discovered what hunger really feels like again. I realized how long it had been since I’d truly experienced hunger. Hunger is uncomfortable. Hunger is a basic physical condition that overrides most other feelings. As human being animals, hunger feels like an urgent emergency every time we feel it. The issue is, the majority of Americans rarely feel it. Feeling hunger put me more in touch with myself as a human being. Depriving myself of constant entertainment through food made me reconsider what and why I was eating.
The second cleanse went much the same way. I went to a party at a friend’s house where all my close friends were drinking crisp dry rosé and enjoying fabulous party snacks. To sit with a glass of sparking water and abstain from the rare cheeses and other delicacies was difficult but ultimately fine. My friends will still love me if I don’t indulge in inappropriate foods with them. I’ve found that my tastes have changed. I don’t find myself craving sweet salty toxic foods anymore. Hence the undeniable excitement over the Vitamix. Here’s how you know you’re really a grown-up- you spend more on a mixer than you’ve spent on shoes in a year.